I might have figured it out...

I have never really bought into organized religion. I am a spiritual person and I do believe in God. We pray before dinner each night and I thank God for all the blessings in my life. I also believe that I am not here on earth to judge others or have others judge me, that is for God to do. I have tried going to different churches and for a while we sort of found one that we liked....but I never really felt comfortable. It was a great place and it was all young people like us, but I just didn't like it. There is a new-ish church that is very close to home that has a huge young congregation, with lots of kids. I have been tempted several times to check it out, but so far we haven't gone. In the past I have always blamed it on not wanting to get up on Sunday morning. Which no doubt is part of it, Curtis and I love sleeping in on the week-ends. But I was thinking about it as I was talking to some moms at a playgroup who go to that church. I really liked the moms and was tempted to just go to the church just to meet people my age, since I need to find some friends. But..... I don't like churches, I don't like congregations of people being fed ideas of a select few, it just irks me, it's sort of cult-like. I mean they say they are preaching God's word and Jesus' teachings, but they always put their own spin on it. And then there is this mass of people being led by these teachings to believe that their view is somehow better, their way of praising God is better. Well it just starts to spiral in my head.... and I guess my problem is I question and then I am always the outsider. I don't like people judging others, and I have heard and seen alot of that in the few churches that I have been too. I know that we are all guilty of it at some point in time, but people in churches seem to somehow feel justified in letting their judgement be known because Jesus or God said so.... Well let them say-so then, it's not for us on earth. I still long for the community of a church, and hope that someday I will find that. And someday I am going to give that new church a try, maybe it will be different and I won't feel like an outsider and I won't see everyone else trying to fit into the mold set by the select few. I guess I am just pessimistic because I just think about all the hurt and pain that churches have inflicted on people over the years. All the persecution, all the wars, all the death that still goes on today. I guess in a way I am judging churches, but that is my gut feeling when I think about trying a new one. But I still give them a chance and I will give this new one a chance.