stupid behavior

Ya know, last week I was feeling blah and anxious and just yucky. I couldn't really put my finger on what it was that was bothering me. This week has been better, but it's because I finally figured out what it was that was bugging me. I hadn't heard from H's dad about Christmas. It was that simple, I was fretting over it because it was still an unknown. I called him on Monday night and now it's not an unknown and I feel better.

I seem to be really good at that. At hiding my stressors from my conscious mind. I don't obsess about it consciously but it's always going on in the background and my conscious mind keeps me busy so I can't put a name on the stressor. I go through like a manic state in the beginning where my conscious mind keeps me so busy trying to get me to ignore the stressor that I am too busy to stop and think about it. Usually after that stage if I allow myself some quiet centering time, I can usually figure out what it is that is bothering me. I wish I could cut out the manic stage and just be able to center and face the stressor. I guess it just takes constant practice, because that is how I learned to cope with stress, but it is so hard on me. I get so worked up during the manic stage, I am miserable and miserable to be around. I know that I am not teaching H, healthy ways to deal with stress. I can only keep on identifying when I am doing it and try to cut it off.