.... in a rut....

Okay, so we have been back from vacation and during the day H basically spends all the time we are at home playing video games or watching tv. He will watch tv even when there is nothing on. When I asked him if there was something else he would like to do, he tells me that if I want to do something I just have to let him know. I just don't want to be in there with him when the tv is on. I will watch some shows with him, but I am so easily sucked in. I am very visual. I can't fall asleep if there's a tv on, no matter how tired I am. He is looking to me for different things to do and I just feel blah. I want him to take some initiative. I try to talk to him about different things to do. We started making Artist trading cards before Thanksgiving and he got into that a bit. We read a great book called Varjak Paw. I read it to him, he still always wants me to read aloud. I want us to do some different learning together, but that means me reading something and well I just get tired of reading everything. I know I am throwing myself a pity party. Maybe it's because I feel like I am in a rut. I have lost my direction with my interests and so it's the mood in the house during the day. I also feel like it's impossible to do very much during the day while I am babysitting, C, is just too demanding of attention. It's good to get this out, because I really think I need to re-center and figure out my direction again and I think it will help H to get his direction back.

We got some books out from the library, mostly Christmas books. I got a few on the history and symbolism of christmas and one about the physics of christmas. Maybe these books will help us get back on track and enjoying life and eager for more learning.

I know that we are learning everyday, but I guess what it really is.....we aren't connecting, we aren't really spending any creative time together and it bothers me. But yet, I just want to blame the tv, because all he does is watch it. But I guess if I took more of an interest or offered alternatives then we could find other fun things to do together.

I am really just trying to give him the freedom to choose what he wants to do, but I worry that he doesn't know that he has options. Like maybe he thinks that because I am on my computer I am not there for him. So maybe I need to give a little more and see what happens. At first I was upset at all the tv time and sort of took it out on H, now I just sort of ignore him while he's watching. Neither of those are good for either of us, so I need to get back on track. The winter just puts me in a blah mood and not having a direction does it too.