need a refresher

The past couple of weeks, has made me very aware that I need a refresher on unschooling. I have been much more critical of H and so darn anxious about his abilities in the "school" subjects. I have felt very disconnected from him and I know it's because he is shrinking away from my criticism. Well I would too, I can be so mean and cut him down when I get stressed out. My past parenting has been very controlling and I have to give him more credit for every step towards freedom that he takes. I just know it must be so hard for him when I get like this, stressed out and start reverting back to my controlling self. Sometimes I get so frustrated when he waits for my okay for everything he does, and then other times I catch myself getting a little upset when he actually goes and does something without checking with me first. It's such a different way of parenting than what I am used to and from what H is used to. I keep thinking why won't he just do what he wants to do, find his passions, get really involved in some interest. Well he is probably worried that I am going to start breathing down his neck if he does. We still need time, I need time and he needs time. I need to work on learning to deal better when I get stressed out and anxious and try to avoid blowing up at him. We have been deschooling since August and I think I have blown up at him twice, it seems like every two months I get freaked out. Maybe this spring will bring calmer times. I feel doubly troubled because with me babysitting it is less time I spend with H. Less attention he gets and it seems like when I am babysitting H isn't very nice to me. I am sure it's because he feels like it's not fair that I am not giving him all that attention. I guess I need to open up the communication and see if together we can solve all this tension between us. In August things were so good, we had the best times together. Now, I see him all day but we have very little interaction because of the toddler needing attention. I am going to make this work, it might take some time, but it is going to work!